


Doubts

by FictionalExcrement



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 23:23:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15651045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FictionalExcrement/pseuds/FictionalExcrement
Summary: What if Jim visited Pam in New York that one night





	Doubts

It had been a long night. Pam got to her door, struggling to find the keyhole on her door in the darkness. Getting inside, she took off her shoes and jacket. Groggy from sleep, she walked to her bedroom and plopped down into her bed. 

It was hard coming home to an empty bed. She missed Jim, even though it had only been a few weeks. Her face in the pillow and her head cloudy with sleep, she imagined him in bed with her. The smell of his closeness, the sound of his voice, how safe she’d feel in his arms. It hurt. 

“Jim…” she whispered to the darkness. She felt a tear swell up in her eye, running down her cheek to dampen her pillow. She shouldn’t be missing him this much, but she was. She’d been filled with doubts and misgivings ever since coming to New York. She’d only come because Jim had made her feel so confident that she could do this. But without him, she felt lost. 

She didn’t know how long she was asleep before a knock at her door woke her. Rubbing her eyes, she looked at her bedside clock, which read 3:14 A.M. She sat up, wondering who on earth could be at her door at this time of night. Walking to the door tentatively, she looked through the eye slit on her door and her heart stopped. 

She swung the door wide open with a big smile on her face & leapt into his arms. “JIM!” she said, disbelieving.

Jim let out a laugh and wrapped her in his arms. “Hey Beesly,” he said softly. “You miss me?” 

Pam let out a noise that was half laugh & half sob. She clutched him tighter. “God, what are you doing here?” She let go so she could look at him. His long face and big nose that she’d come to love.  
Jim looked back at her, into her eyes. “I missed you,” he said simply. At that, she wrapped her arms around him again. “I missed you too,” she said. “So much.”  
–  
They slept together that night. She went to sleep in his arms, inhaling his smell & listening to his heartbeat. She felt content for the first time in weeks. 

  


He felt absurdly guilty. Pam was asleep, her head on his chest. He listened to her steady breaths. He wanted to tell her, but didn’t know how.

“Pam…” he said, nudging her softly. She let out a muffled whine. 

“Hey Pam,” he persisted, nudging her again. Pam stirred, yawning & stretching. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and sleepily looked up at him and smiled. 

“Hey baby,” she said. She kissed him softly on his lips. She tasted sweet. Her eyes were heavy-lidded from sleep. 

“Pam, I…” Jim said, hesitating. “I have to… I need to tell you something,” he said, his heart beating faster. 

“Mmhm…” she said sleepily. 

He wanted her to be awake for this, he nudged her again, “Pam, wake up,” he said. 

She stirred again and looked up at him, wrinkling her eyes in sleep. “Jim… what is it?” 

“I, uh…” he hesitated. “I went out for some drinks with the warehouse guys last night. Darryl and his buddies,” Jim swallowed. “Roy happened to drop by,” he said. 

That got Pam’s attention. She rubbed her eyes again, sitting up a little & looking at him. “ _What?_ What happened? Did he hurt you?” she said, concern in her voice. 

Jim shook his head. “No, no...” he said quickly. “I just told him that you were in art school, and he seemed really happy for you,” he said. “I told him that you were out with your friends partying last night.”  
Pam wrinkled her eyes. “Okay…” 

Jim couldn’t meet her eyes. “The real reason I came here…” his throat felt dry. “I thought…” 

Pam could sense his tightness. “What, Jim?” she said, dreading his words.

“I came here because I thought you might be… cheating on me,” he finished. 

“What?” Pam said softly. 

“Listen, Pam, I know… I know that makes me sound just like him, but just-“ she interrupted him. 

Pam untangled herself from him and sat up. “You thought I was cheating?” she asked, her voice small. It tore at him to hear her like that. “Why?”

“I don’t... Pam, I... I don’t know,” Jim tried to say something that made sense. He didn’t know what would. “Roy just... He got into my head.” 

He could see her eyes welling up. She stood up off the bed. “You didn’t trust me?” 

“I do, Pam,” Jim said, standing up and walking up to her. He took her hands in his. “Please don’t think that I don’t. I was... I was just dumb, okay? I was afraid.” 

“Of what?” she asked. 

He struggled to find words. “Of... of losing you,” he said desperately. “I missed you... like crazy. I didn’t think you’d cheat... not really. But I was still afraid... I know that doesn’t make any sense...” 

Pam stepped away from him, taking her hands from his. She turned away. “Please leave,” her voice broke as she said it. Jim felt his heart sink. He tried to take her hand again, to get her to look at him. “Pam, please-“ he tried to say. 

“Leave, Jim,” she said, her voice firm. 

His heart sank further. He let go of her. He gathered his things in a haze and walked to the door, putting his hand on the knob. 

 

“I’m sorry, Pam,” Jim said at last. 

It took all of her willpower to just stand there and not stop him as he opened the door and left. When the door closed, she let out a choked sob. She cried hard. Both for what Jim had said and for how cold she had been to him. All she’d wanted was for him to stay. She’d wanted to sleep in his arms and feel safe for the first time in weeks. But what he’d said came like a punch to her gut.

Pam lay back down on her bed and the smell of him in her pillow just made her cry all the more. She felt miserable. And she felt betrayed to think that Jim didn’t trust her. The rational part of her knew that he did; that it was just his fear that got the better of him. 

But that didn’t seem important to her while she lay crying in an empty bed. 

She ran out of tears after a time, and lay there feeling drowsy and wrung out.

 _I miss him_ , she thought at the last, before sleep took her.


End file.
